One night, I had trouble sleeping, so to pass the time and hopefully drift off, I decided to declutter some apps on my phone. During this, I stumbled upon a 2023 journal entry that really resonated with my current situation.
I had difficulty falling asleep as I was dealing with negative self-talk while reflecting on my mental and physical well-being. It’s been a year since my cancer diagnosis and six months since I completed chemotherapy. Although I’ve made significant progress and my energy has largely returned, the fear of uncertainty still lingers.
I was afraid that I would run out of time to pursue the things I’ve always wanted, a realization that struck me hard during my chemotherapy treatment.
Now that I’m feeling better, I find myself rushing to accomplish everything out of fear that I might fall ill again or that I might not be around to do them. Cancer really sucks and it’s scary.
Since moving into our new place, I’ve been swamped with chores and projects every day. It’s been exhausting but also incredibly fulfilling. Thankfully, our bodies signal when it’s time to rest.
I ended up overworking myself, forgetting that I was still in recovery and adjusting to a new phase. Even though I was tired, I was eager to dive into activities I love but had neglected for too long. However, my body is clearly telling me to take it easy.
Over the past few months, there were three instances where my head felt like it might explode, and I ended up vomiting everything I ate from pushing myself too hard.
My body is basically yelling, “Chill, girl! What’s the rush?!”
(“Teh, san punta? Nagmamadali?! May deadline?!” 😅😆)
Lately, I’ve been focusing on resting more and being gentle with myself as I continue to heal. Managing household responsibilities and caring for a toddler during recovery is no easy feat, so I need to give myself grace. This reminder has come at just the right time.
So yes, A TON OF GRACE for myself is a reminder I need to embed in my mind and heart during this season.
In all these, surely there is one thing that remains true and unchanged – The Lord knows. 😉
